He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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