Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
