I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
