There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When are your genitals available?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
