so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
