Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
