I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
