Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
