first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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