and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
