We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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