hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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