the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
