If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
