I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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