bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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