How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
