I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
