Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
