I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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