Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
