ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
