i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
