The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
