OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
