you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
