we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The air was thick with penises
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
