Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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