I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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