Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
