the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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