Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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