So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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