We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
