I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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