i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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