so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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