I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
