Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
