do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
