Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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