these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
