yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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