I'm drive I can fine osifer
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
