Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
