You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize