I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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