I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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