So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
