some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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