i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
