He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
