She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
