would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You are a genius and a whore.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
