I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
