my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
