just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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