No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
