he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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