Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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