I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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